It is shown that it takes about 7 years of things going sour a relationship before people seek help, and at this point there’s so many bricks to tear down between you. This means that it will continue for much of your relationship, and the next relationship you get into may not be any different. iMentalHealth Counselling wants to help you with conflict management. If you have the presence of 4 patterns of communication in your relationship called the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse it may be time to talk to someone to find and practice new ways of communicating. These are talked about more in our Blog and are criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt.
What may be happening?
We want to look at the whole picture of your relationship. How did it start? Were you fond of one another? Do you have fun together? What has changed? What has the transition to having children been like? What is your communication style and what is the dance you do in terms of conflict. One thing that we want to emphasize is that conflict is not always between partners. You may be having conflict with your inlaws, your kids, your boss, or your neighbor barb who wont turn off that loud bass. Conflict is something you will have to deal with in so many different situations.
Talking to a therapist who is trained in recognizing negative patterns and interactions with a couple can be helpful because they will be able to give good feedback as to what patterns are destructive in your relationships, provide examples and you will be able to practice using strategies to better communicate in session and beyond. You will be given access to some good quality resources.
Gottman couples therapy gives opportunity to practice skills in session.
Some people also find that talking to a therapist allows for a neutral third party to discuss things with.
Depending on what your needs are in terms of dealing with conflict, it can help to have someone as a support either through in person or online. Work with someone who is experienced in dealing with conflict and familiar with strategies that may help.
Are you low in mood and generally in a place of sadness for more than a two-week period?
EMDR is a body based approach that uses Bilateral Stimulation and works with the Adaptive information Processing system.
Building stronger relationships with friends, family, and loved ones