Dealing with High Conflict and Repairing a Relationship

Dealing with High Conflict and Repairing a Relationship

In this article, we’ll go over a couple of suggestions for repairing damage to a relationship in high conflict.

Conflict and fighting are very real parts of being in relationships because you have two people with complete differences of opinion stemming from many different factors that make each of you unique. However, the question you need to ask yourself is this: do you want to win the fight or protect your relationship?

Conflict and fighting

It is perfectly fine to disagree without necessarily being a disagreeable person. I wonder if it would be possible to keep love showing while there is conflict.

According to Dr. John Gottman, all couples disagree, and usually, it is over the same thing, multiple times. Two-thirds of all disagreements are often over the same issues. But while some couples master the art of maneuvering through conflict to save their relationship, others need to work on it.

The good news is, it is possible to repair any damage to a relationship while disagreeing or maybe fighting or arguing. A compromise may be essential if you want to save a relationship or if you love the person. However, repairing the damage while still disagreeing will require that you learn a new set of skills and build new habits.

You Both Could Be Right

It is essential to realize that there are many ways to arrive at a solution, and there is a possibility that both of you are right. It would help if you entertained the idea of there being many ideas that can be considered before settling upon what will work best.

This approach allows both sides to look at the bigger picture and try to understand your partner’s perspective on the issue. Rather than solving the problem you are learning to then dialogue about problems.

Finding your Flexible areas

It’s fairly common for each partner to have a different approach to the same issue like sex, parenting, finances, etc. It is essential to respect the other’s ideas as valid even if they aren’t the same as yours.

Use phrases that calm down tension like: “I want to find a way to work together so that we can stay together.” It is important to state how you feel and why it is essential to work to solve the problem as a team.  Are there areas of flexibility that you can compromise on?

Accepting Influence

When in a disagreement, you should think that maybe your partner has an idea that is better than you think! They may not be out to get you, but instead, they believe the idea is a good one. When you consider this, it becomes easier to see things their way instead of just disagreeing.

In many instances, it is worth using humor to iron things out. The more you laugh together with your partner, the better. Good feelings for each other will keep the relationship intact and more focused on each other’s love than negative shortcomings.

Positive Perspective

69% of conflict is perpetual switching from gridlock to dialogue in conflict is essential. A good way to do this is to think the best of your partner.  Talk about what you would like in order for them to really shine for you so that you can get more of that rather than what you might not like.

Come back next week to learn about the Four Horsemen in your relationship.

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Geordy Murphy

MA Registered Provisional Psychologist

Registered Provisional Psychologist. EMDR and Gottman training. I work with individuals, and couples.